dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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