my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
