So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
