yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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