You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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