I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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