your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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