whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
