omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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