walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
