her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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