I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
