i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
