can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
