Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
