the day after is always just damage control
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
