i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
