You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
