shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
