I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize