Kareoke will never be a sober sport
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
