Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
