i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
