how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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