we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
