my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
