When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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