my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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