So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
