do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
