Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
