If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
