we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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