Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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