WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This toilet bowl is my home.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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