so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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