my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hippo gnu deer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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