Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
