I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
