Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
