How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
