I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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