i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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