Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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