3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
