Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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