flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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