Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
