he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
