Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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