Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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