Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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