Already got asked if we're dating
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
