just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found your dick twin last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
