once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
