I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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