is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
