There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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