'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
