so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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