I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you traded sex for a burrito?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
