I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
