I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
