I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
