Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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