I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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