She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
