i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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