I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
