Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there was a trapeze. enough said
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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