I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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