Can Purell be used as lube?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
