How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
