i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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