like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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