Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
