Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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