hotel room ftw
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
