What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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