I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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