had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
