she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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