Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
