so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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