I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
