Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
